I'm coming back to Instagram... and I'm MAD
- With Joe
- Feb 10, 2024
- 9 min read
Updated: Sep 18, 2024
So I sat down with my notebook earlier and wanted to write down some feelings and thoughts about technology & social media that I’ve been having lately, I find that doing this helps me distil everything and come to some sort of conclusion.
It’s a ride, but I think it could be of interest so I’m sharing it with you.
Here goes:
It's been one year and three months since I've denounced social media
and I've been by no means perfect.
I've overridden the content blocks on occasion and accidentally spent hours on TikTok or getting dragged into a weird YouTube hole.
But those moments continue to show me why I love my choice because doing those things makes me feel awful.
And the way that I’ve been living my life without them has been so freeing.
But something’s been burning lately.
Something kind of feels like it’s missing.
Someone said something that planted a seed in my brain and suddenly I can't stop thinking of different ideas to come back to social media in a "raw” and "authentic” way that will somehow be manageable and also life-changing.
I don't disagree that there are benefits to social media and
technology that I'm missing out on.
I do really miss seeing what some of my closest friends are up to.
And yes, maybe not seeing that means I make more of an effort in real life, but also scheduling is so hard so even though I want to always be meeting up and FaceTimeing my friends it is still a logistical nightmare.
Also maybe I just miss seeing cute little pictures of them 🤷♀️
I met one of my dearest friends through Instagram, so I know what it can give me.
Who knows what other relationships there are to be had out there.
And then there’s the whole consideration of how the HELL am I going to fulfil my dream life of a full-time artist if I’m not following the mandated social media marketing tactics that everyone and no one seems to be getting success out of?
I just feel like I'm being tempted a lot by it lately.
I can't tell if it's the feeling that I should be doing it or if I actually want to be doing it.
What I do know is if I return, I do not want to go back to the same old habits.
I don't want to be chasing trends or followers or spending hours watching videos about how to make the algorithm work for me.
What I love about music is the connection it creates.
There is no other feeling like being at a gig/party/club and screaming along to a song you love with people you love and strangers you've never met before.
The more and more time I take to think, the less and less I seem to care about the things that I want to obtain and to achieve.
I don't know how long my life is going to last.
Yes, I am planning for the future, but at the same time I want to make sure I am enjoying the present as much as possible, so I don't want to do anything
if it's not bringing me some sort of joy.
I'm ready to Marie Kondo the HELL out of my entire life.
I want to write music because I love it, and I want to share it to make connections with other people who love it too.
I don't want to be scrolling for hours, trying to figure out how long the optimal Instagram reel is so that I can go viral (unless suddenly this brings me an immense amount of joy???)
I want to share the raw,
the exciting,
the mundane,
the upsetting.
I don't want lots of people;
I want a few people that care a lot.
Something is happening within the music industry and people aren't happy about it.
Do I have evidence? No.
But I can feel a shift. (Maybe I’m wrong, and this is just delusional hope, but we can’t know)
Artists are sick and tired of spending their time on everything except their art.
And even the "art" is suffering so that it can tick lots of little boxes.
I don't want writing music to feel like I'm back in my A Levels, trying to satisfy AQA moderators and their stupid little marking criteria.
Nothing seems to be lasting.
Technology has taken us from creatures that care and grow slowly, into little gremlins that are scavenging around for the easiest and quickest hit of dopamine that we can find.
Maybe that’s the fruit-machine lever of the TikTok For You page.
Or it’s the likes that you get when you put up a cute little story of something from your day (obviously let’s not talk about all the bad things that have happened today as well, duh)
Or it’s the semi-viral success of an artist who has forsaken their art to make something that’s appealing in a 15-second video clip to as many people as possible
How much content do you ingest every day?
And how much of that could you recall the next day,
never mind the next week, month or year.
How many of your OWN stories do you even remember?
How many of those viral TikTok songs could you sing now,
never mind name the artists themselves.
If this is what’s classed as success today, count me out
(out of service, out of Africa, I wouldn’t hang about)
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist)
I want to do something different, because this doesn’t work for me, and honestly, I don’t believe that it works for the majority of people out there doing it either.
At the core of us as humans:
People are invested in people.
People are passionate about people who are passionate.
Yes, I might love a little boogie to a song that’s a funny quip on a nursery rhyme, but I can't imagine sweating and crying in a crowd of strangers over a song like that.
I need something that makes me FEEL and that's what seems to be missing these days.
The thought of those over-enthusiastic people on TikTok actually makes me nauseous.
But I'm mad.
Not at the people who are part of it because everyone is just trying their best.
The whole system is fucked.
And even if I say I want to return to social media in an "authentic" way is that really possible?
I've already slipped up.
In this email I've probably come across as condescending because realistically haven’t I just ranted about how superior I am since I’m not conforming to the trappings of modern society?
Is that authentic?
Is that any different?
Because even if I try to be ‘authentic’, things will still be a curated feed to show myself in a certain light that I’ve obviously thought way too much about already.
I'd want things to slow down.
Somehow not showing you every part of my life,
because who cares, and what makes me important?
But then isn't the way of being the most true version of
myself online by showing everything?
The highs and the lows.
Or is that just narcissism?
Should I just keep it to the music and keep the trials and tribulations in life out of it?
But then where is the connection?
Can there even be a connection through several layers of screens and Wi-Fi signals?
Is the whole effort futile?
I'm passionate and I am so incredibly grateful and in love with the life I have.
Lately, it seems like I'm tearing up every day because of
how much I love the people in my life.
I love my home.
I love my music.
I love my work which allows me to follow my dreams.
There's so much I love, but the struggle comes from trying to tie it all together into a "purpose" and maybe that's where I'm going wrong.
We need to sit down,
have a breath,
and just look around us.
This is our life.
Regardless of what has happened or what might happen.
This right here in this moment is the life that we are living.
Maybe you perceive it as good or bad but it's not necessarily that clear.
It. Just. Is.
There's no choice in what it is right now, but there is a choice in how we view it.
So if you can, look at everything through rose-coloured glasses, because why the fuck would you not want to?
Where is the joy in expecting the worst???
I am unashamed of my extreme (some may say toxic) positivity because it makes me so much happier than the alternatives.
Just because I can't change something it doesn't mean I can't change how I feel about it.
I want to live my life to the point of delusional happiness.
Because why not?
Yes, I'm sure I'm going to make many mistakes and things are never going to go smoothly, but from everything, I can learn
adjust
let go
and move on.
So I think the conclusion to this stream-of-consciousness/rant is that I’m going to try it.
If I fail then so be it, I can become a social media recluse again.
But I think it’s almost time.
Expect messy, expect slow, expect ugly, expect boring,
But at least you can expect the truth.
Kinda hate that I'm doing this
(or maybe I'm just scared, it's hard to tell the difference sometimes)
I’ve been on a rampage of reading books lately and I think a culmination of that and having good conversations with people has been leading me to these thoughts.
Ask people you know how technology makes them feel; start the conversation.
What do they like about it, and what do they not like?
Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?
Look at your screen time, what would you do with all those hours instead if you weren’t looking at that screen?
Are you happy? Does scrolling through whatever it is you scroll through make you truly happy?
What is important to you in your life?
What are some moments you remember that stand out as being exceptionally joyful?
What were you doing in those moments? (I’d pretty confidently put a bet on it involving raw connections with other people, or a connection to nature at large)
And then here are some of the books
that I’ve been reading (each with a little summary of what I personally got out of it)
Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
I mentioned this in my last email, but again it’s guiding me. Connect to your higher self, be less critical of things in life, let things wash over you a little easier, and step into the unknown.
The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer
Take a step back from yourself, breathe, take it slow, and be gentle on yourself.
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Listen to yourself, trust fully. And admit that you maybe don’t know the best way to do things.
Can’t Even by Anne Helen Petersen (particularly Chapter 7&8)
Technology is stressing us out, there’s so much going on in life already, give yourself time to think. Be easy on yourself.
All The Lonely People by Mike Gayle
A fiction book, all about the importance of people, and getting out of our comfort zones.
On Connection by Kai Tempest
We create to connect. We crave that human connection. There is nothing like it.
Show Your Work by Austin Kleon
Maybe there is a way to be online with more authenticity, and nurturing ‘connections’ with people through social media.
This Vox article:
Something is wrong with the industry of creatives, and it works for no one, and there’s surely got to be another way.
In case you were interested in what I’ve actually been up to in my life, not just the thoughts that have been circling through my head. Here’s a little roundup.
I took almost 2 weeks off work for my birthday to celebrate by seeing as many of my friends and family as I could and doing things that bring me joy.
These included a ridiculously themed birthday party, a trip to an indoor garden, a viewing of Sandra Bullock’s Speed in the cinema, ice skating, several fancy delicious meals, an absinthe parlour, a curiosities museum, Korean karaoke, a family meal, a walk in Hampstead heath, and a lavish afternoon tea.
I’ve also been working on my music still. I’ve recently drawn up a rough timeline of where I am at and my plans for the next few months, and if I keep myself accountable then I should be releasing music around June time.
I’ve got songs that I love so much and I want other people to love them so much too.
I can’t wait and I’m so excited for these songs, which mean things to me, to also mean things to other people as well.
I’m so grateful to you all for indulging my long-ass emails which are basically just rants and streams of consciousness but I love you all for it.
You’re all doing great as the role of my brain cells listening to all my thoughts.
Lots of love
Joe
(see below for pics)
no questions please
saucy
the raffle winners
a karaoke moment, obviously
the fam
potential album cover?
work friends becoming friends for life
fancy birthday breakfast
some of the loves of my life
me and bess in our natural habitat
iconic karaoke moments
hampstead heath #1
hampstead heath #2
possibly the best vegan food I've ever had (Mallow in London)
fancy afternoon tea
a cheeky cocktail
P.S. Even this mailing list is a curated feed of life.
It's supposed to be the most 'authentic' form of communication but look!
I've just put in a stream of the best bits of my life from the last two months.
Don't worry, there were lows in there as well.
But the thing about the lows is that they are lot less visually appealing, we are very unlikely to document them, never mind then share them.
If you want a snippet, I've struggled with a wandering sense of self, grappling new feelings that I'm unfamiliar with, and trying to figure out who I am in the context of romance.
Oh also, complete exhaustion from working 12-14 hour days on my feet with minimal sleep, lack of self care, eating food that's only beige, and occasionally not going outside for a couple days at a time.
But being someone who likes to focus more on the positives, I don't like to focus on those things, but for a more balanced view for you of what life is like, I think it's important to share.
Love you again,
Joe
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